Saturday, April 27, 2013

Photos: Captioned by Hans, Who Warns You That He Is Sick, and Consequently Not at the Top of His Game.

The three of us, looking our best on the drive from Cuiaba to Cusco.

Our hotel, the night before we entered Peru. As you can see, we stay in only the best.

One view of the city of Cusco. Incas built all that.

They built this, too. Longer ago than that other stuff.

This is the sort of ghastly landscape we've been dealing with. Your sympathy is appreciated.

Some of these terraces were built for purposes of ornamentation. Kind of makes shutters and flower-beds seem less of a pain.

More ornamentation, yo.
Machu Piccu at dawn. Lest you begin to feel inferior on account of the Incas upstaging your cosmetic
landscaping with their terraces, be reminded that these people thought the ideal place to build a city was smack dab on the top of a mountain. You know, just to work extra. 
Here's the view from Machu Piccu Mountain, the unofficial inspiration for  J.R.R Tolkien's Endless Stair. Unlike
LOTR, though, your reward is a fantastic view, not a grim passage through Cair Ungol into the land of fire. 

Inspired, we built this puppy out of LegoTM bricks on a nearby mountaintop. Except we didn't.
More to the point, everyone says to get up early to beat the crowds to the ruins. We got up at 4:30, to find that
no one is as interested in beating the crowds as....the crowds. Afternoon is better.
The Incas did not, in fact, build this. God did. 
This is what happens when you build a bridge five feet above the regular levels of a
tempestuous, flood-prone mountain river. You use the bridge for a year. You use a steel-frame
cable-car contraption after that, and leave the ruins of the bridge as a reminder that in architecture,
as in business, the first three rules are Location, Location, Location. 

Here is a city the Incas built further out, higher up, and less accessibly than Maccu Pichu,
presumably to prove it could be done. 

Sheldon, in front of quite possibly the most impressive ruined building we saw in Peru. 


Here's me, in front of the least-impressive hotel we stayed in in Peru. I'm lashing wood to  the frame of the car
in order to prop up the hood in another futile effort to combat vapor lock.


Choquequirao. Aaron arrives right at the end of the camera timer.

Aaron, who appears to have spotted something less pleasing than Choquequirao's magnificent ruins.

These, also, were for decoration. 

Here we are with Celestino and the horses. All smiles and hopes for selling the car. Except perhaps the horses, who
had done all the climbing for us. 

St. Phoenix, looking her best, over 15,000 feet, on the long ride to Chivay.

Just the roadside scenery. The Incas did not build this.

Colca Canyon. Twice as deep as the grand, but we felt like there was a reason they didn't call it the Grand Colca Canyon.

We take risks. We stand on walls. In front of canyons twice as deep as the Grand Canyon.

And then sometimes, we take too many risks. 

If you can't go around it, just bust a big ol' hole right through it.

Lake Titicaca, with Puno in the background. Those ships were designed to go about 3 miles per hour. We asked, and were informed that the design was such that any attempt to go faster would lead not to acceleration, but just a bigger wave. Sigh.

Aaron, looking happier than Choquequirao in front of an island, a boat, and houses all made from Reeds.

The Andes, showing off from the far shore.

We kept trying to take pictures of La Paz. We kept taking pictures of traffic.

The street outside our hostel. Busy, grimy, and pretty exciting. Less exciting when the hostel plays  10,000 decibel
dance music until 4 AM. But you take the bad with the good.

Friday, April 26, 2013

Aaron makes you choose what happened


So for this update we’re going to have the feature of you, the reader, being able to pick your own story.  You will be presented with a choice as to what we should have done.  Your goal is keep us alive as long as possible.  If you are very astute you might be able to pick what we actually did.  Good luck!

We headed west out of Cuzco for the very small town of Cachora.  From Cachora it is possible to hire a guide and a few mules for a trek to the Inca ruins of Choquequirao (Cho-ki-care-ow).  Choquequirao is called the sister city to Machu Picchu because it served similar religious purposes.  The only difference between the two is the Machu Picchu is about as crammed as a Led Zeppelin reunion show at Madison Square Garden, while Choquequirao has about as many people as a Led Zeppelin reunion show in the remote Andean mountains of Peru where the only access is two grueling days of hiking.  That’s the only access to Choquequirao thus the reason Machu Picchu has up to 5,000 visitors and at Choquequirao around 12.  On the way the guys drove up and down some large mountains.  Should Hans drive off the cliff?  If so continue to #1.  Should Hans stay on the road?  If so continue to #2.

#1, They all die in a fiery explosion.  Really? How could you chose this one?

#2, Ok, that one was a little too easy.  We continued up the mountains until the car started going whum, whum, whum and sputtered to death.  Not a good feeling.  After a few minutes of sitting the car decided to continue for a bit longer.  About an hour or so of more driving the car decided give about as much effort up the hill as Carmelo Anthony on defense.  For non-sports fans; the car gave as much effort up the hill as Kim Jong-Un’s barber.  We thought it was most likely vapor lock that was causing the troubles for poor St. Phoenix (our car).   Vapor lock happens when the gasoline evaporates before it gets to the engine.  This is a problem in high altitude because the boiling point is lower.  I’m not sure why this is but I’m guessing it has something to do with the relationship between centrifugal force and calorie intake.  So, should the guys quit the trip entirely (#3) or continue after letting the car cool down (#4)?

#3, After returning to the states the guys are lynched by an angry mob for being total “tools for quitting the trip early”.

#4, We finally got to Cachora around 5 that afternoon (I believe it was April 12th).  The final hour of the trip was spent discussing how glorious it would be to sell the car black market style to someone in Cachora so we wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore.  After a bit of searching we found an establishment that could get us mules for 3 different days, a “hotel” to stay in, and meals as well.  We spent the night getting ready for our trek and marveling at how awesome some corn chips we bought for 20 cents were.  Should I (Aaron) ask the mule/hotel owners if they would like to buy our car? No, go to #5.  Yes, go to #6.

#5, Undercooked chicken brings an early termination to they guys’ life.

#6, The owners seemed very interested in the car.  We were blown away that after just kind of hoping that someone would maybe want the car, the people we were staying with were in the market for a badly beat up car.  Saturday we got up early and started our trek with two mules and an 18 year old mule driver.  We met a couple from Germany on the way and had a grand time (German translation: grantzennburghtezeter timkenzzewanevwerterter) talking and getting to know them.  The first 12 km of the trek was flat ground skirting along the edge of a deep valley.  After that it was a steep descent down a canyon to our campsite by the river at the bottom.  Should the guys forget to put on the bug spray (#7) or put it on (#8)?

#7 Little gnat-like bugs eat them to death.  Literal death.

#8 Little gnat-like bugs eat them within an inch of their life.  Not quite, but goodness it was pretty incredible how badly we got bit even with the bug spray.  It did feel good, however, to be back on the trail and sleeping in a tent.  For safety reasons we hadn’t been sleeping in our tents in Peru and Brazil.  We were told that the next day a man would meet us on the other side of the river with two mules as we went up the incredibly steep ascent.  So the next morning we got up and had to cross the river.  Should we use a bridge (#9) or a basket and cable contraption (#10)?

#9, They all drown because the bridge washed away after only on year of use.  No joke.  They built a really nice bridge but they decided to build it only a few feet above the water line, not thinking about what might happen when a flood happened.

#10, We crossed in  a two person metal basket with the help of men pulling on the other side.  Then we had the privilege of waiting on our mule driver for over an hour.  Here’s a tip about Peruvian culture; Peruvians are as concerned about timeliness as my dog Toby is concerned about his daily intake of Vitamin K.  Relived that someone did eventually come we started the killer hike up the mountain.  It was over 5,000 feet up to our campsite but we eventually got their exhausted.  Our campsite was on a terrace overlooking a spectacular view of the canyon we had just ascended.  The next day we visited Choquequirao.  It was about a 2 hour hike to get there but thankfully it was as the locals described it “flat” (Spanish translation: flato).  Unfortunately, by “flat” they meant “still really hilly but at least you’re not just walking straight up a hill all day”.  Once we got to Choquequirao we had a great time scrabbling all over and exploring the ruins.  We were literally alone at the beginning except for a few archeologists working on the ruins.  Though not near as impressive as Machu Picchu it was just as amazing because we were able to explore it all to ourselves and it gave you more of a feeling of what it may have been like 700 years ago when it was built.  Also, it had two buildings that were bigger than anything we saw at Machu Picchu.  Scientists also think that only 40% of it is excavated, which makes me very curious as to how it will look in 20 years.  We returned to our campsite for some awesome pasta we made and then hit the hay.  In the morning should we have given our packs to donkeys (#11) or take them ourselves down the mountain (#12)?

#11, The mules have mad cow disease and in a combination of rage and misunderstanding kick all the guys off the cliff.

#12 We carried our packs down the mountain because we didn’t want to pay for a full day of mules when it was only a few hours of downhill.  We made it down with relative ease and spent the afternoon chilling at the campsite by the river.  We then saw the man from the hostel in Cachora, Celestino, and he had two mules and 3 horses.  This confused us a bit until we realized he wanted us to ride the horses up to the next campsite an hour up the mountain.  So we rose the poor tired beasts up to the campsite.  We realized, after Celestino mentioned the car several times, that he was trying to butter us up to sell the car.  In the morning he insisted that we ride the horses all the way up the mountain.  It was, at times, a bit hair raising when the horses would skirt the edge of the path with a monumental drop off inches away.  We made it to the top, however, with no incidents or deaths.  After a 12km walk on the actual flat (flato) part of the hike we made it back to Cachora, though not as tired as we expected that we would be.  Later I took Celestino and his wife out on a test drive.  I was a little surprised that he wanted me to drive considering he was the one who wanted to buy it, but I obliged and drove them around the town and countryside.  Celestino told me he was ready to drive so I, once again, obliged.  It was after about 5 seconds of him behind the wheel that I realized this man had no less of idea of how to drive then Kim Jong-Un’s wardrobe consultant.  It was hilarious seeing him trying to figure out how to steer and shift at the same time while his poor wife cried in horror from the back.  Still, they agreed to buy the car for $1,000.  When they asked about documents I explained to them that it was impossible for me to give them documents in Peru.  I thought they knew this but they insisted on having documents and insisted that it wouldn’t be a problem to do it.  Should I give up on selling the car (#13) or go into town the next day to see if it was possible (#14).

#13 The townspeople lynch the guys for being “tools who back out of everything”.

#14 The next day we went into a town about an hour away, with Celestino, to a notary office.  We had no idea if we would own the car later that day or not.  The notary informed us that if we were to sell the car we had to go to the customs office office in Cuzco to make the car a permanent automobile in Peru.  So, once again, we spent another day not knowing if we would own the car much longer or not.  We cruised back to Cuzco (very thankful that the car did not give out though she did start sputtering a bit at times) in the morning and checked back into the hostel we had been at a week earlier.  Celestino planned on meeting us when the paperwork was done.  To him it was not even a possibility that what we were attempting was not possible.  We headed to the customs office office to see what could be done with the car.  A few guys with shaky English tried to figure out what we were telling them.  They didn’t quite figure it out for some time and they kept insisting that the car was legal for 90 days in Peru and that should be no problem for us.  We knew that would be no problem for us but that wasn't really what we wanted to know about.  Finally they found out what we were trying to do and informed us that only cars that were 5 years old or younger could be made permanent automobile.  After some strenuous math calculations we concluded that a car made in 1992 most likely did not fit into that category.  So we went back to the hostel, called Celestino‘s wife, and let her know that it was not possible.  We spent the rest of the day relaxing at the hostel, finding blocks of wood to block up the hood of the car, and buying bungee straps to hold down the hood of the car.  The theory behind this was to get direct air running onto the engine to prevent anymore vapor lock.  I can’t take credit for this idea; my Uncle Gary came up with the idea.  The car was really getting some character.  Between the bumper tied with string to keep it on, the 9 cracks in the windshield, two busted turn signals, and a propped up hood, she wasn’t looking like the type of car that would get invited to prom at Car High School.  We were heading off for Colca Canyon the next morning, hoping, praying, and even sacrificing a bull to show our sincerity of pleading that the car would make it there.

Friday, April 19, 2013

There's Something in the Water (Besides Bacteria): How We Became Tourists in Cusco, By Hans


In my younger, stronger years, I spent six months living in Nepal. I’ve been told that the mountain culture of Peru and Bolivia is in many ways similar to that of the Nepali Himalayas. Indeed, as we rolled into Cusco, I noticed startling similarities between these gems of natural beauty and ancient culture. To wit: the air was thin like watery soup choked with exhaust fumes and dust, and automobiles and motorcycles swarmed the streets, turning this way and that, swerving around one another and honking violently without provocation (in this way, it is true, Peru differs from Nepal, where the honking is constant, and makes a little sense. In Peru, it is intermittent, and makes no sense).
Aaron coolly piloted St. Phoenix through the crush, as only a veteran of Buenos Aires’ frantic streets could, and ere long we had ascended to the historical district; a place of beautiful monuments, squares, and churches, ringed by cobblestone streets, many of which run up hills at angles most roofers would prefer not to shingle.
After some searching, we settled on a hostel in a quiet(er) corner of this maelstrom of history and tourism as a base of operations for our endeavors of the next week.
Our second afternoon in Cusco, we spent on a tour (an actual tour. Featuring other tourists. We were a little disappointed in ourselves) of the city. Or rather, of the various Inca landmarks of the city. Moving quickly through landmarks, following a stubby man named Fabian who waggled a string ornament woven of the Cusco region’s colors and cried bilingually “GRUPO SOL! SUN’S GROUP!” to his sheeplike flock. We toured a ruined fortress, a burial ground, an observatory, and a souvenir market. The adventure highlight of the day came when we ran out of cash whilst purchasing our General Passes for tourism in the Cusco region, and had to borrow money from Fabian at a steep interest rate.
The next day, more flusher with mammon, we took a bus tour of the Sacred Valley. The Sacred Valley sites were much like those in the Cusco City Tour, but larger. We saw terraces and remnants of Incan walls virtually without limit, ate at a buffet for a discount rate, and chatted with other travelers. In short, it was a touristy day, but well worth the sheepishness. The small town of Ollanty Tambo, erected on foundations built by the Incas was a particular highlight. Both tours concluded in the dark, dropping us off along the historic squares of Cusco.
Another short night in the thin air, and we were off on a bargain-bin transportation option to Machu Piccu--jammed into a van with a motley assortment of other cash-strapped tourists, making origami out of our legs, and attempting not to vomit on each other. The drive was long, the day was hot, and the road twisted up and down mountains, from pavement to gravel to dirt. We were forced, several times to back up down the road because it was too narrow for us to pass oncoming traffic. On one such occasion, our rear tire was within inches of a pothole on the edge of a cliff, causing many in the van to declare it a Narrow Escape.
We hiked two hours from the end of the van ride along train tracks through the cloud forest into the tiny hamlet of Aguas Caliente, which serves the needs of the congregated gawkers at the greatness of the ancients. We secured a hostel, made ourselves tomato sandwiches, and went to bed.

We rose at 4:30, and grumblingly set off  Once again eschewing the popular and expensive preferred mode of travel (trains and buses) we tromped up an endless stair sloshing through puddles and rain, arriving in the early morning gloom at the gates of the ancient city.

Though crowd density was low, cloud density was high, and whether by mist or moist travelers, much of the city was obscured. We spent most of the day amongst the ruins, taking photos and eavesdropping on tours. Around midday, we set our sodden, pre-flogged legs to stairs of Machu Piccu Mountain.

We climbed, and climbed, and climbed. One foot in front of the other, up and up, through the thin air, struggling up eternal flights of stone stairs. And then, just as we thought we couldn’t endure another step, the sun came out, and added heat to our misery. Over and over, we reminded one another that the view from the summit would be well worth the agony of the ascent. The words were still on our lips when we rounded a corner out onto the top and saw…white. A big ol’ blank sky of cloud.
Mumbling feebly about waiting for the sun, we walked to an overhanging ledge where other hikers had gathered. Despite signs repeatedly forbidding the consumption of food within the park, everyone at the top of the mountain was busily eating. And then the clouds rolled back, and Machu Piccu was revealed. The summit of the mountain became something of a party. Cameras, food, and exercise endorphins. A good time was had by all.

As we wobbled back down the mountain, we kept up the bonhomie by conversing with a Swedish chemist, who greatly impressed us by describing his day-to-day life. Chemists are crazy, yo.

We made a feeble attempt to re-explore Machu Picchu with sunlight, but our legs weren’t having it, so we made for the town. In town, we dragged our leaden legs back to the hostel, rubbed our sunburn, and considered the irony of being sunburnt, damp, and dehydrated, all at once.

In the evening, we committed our Splurge of the Trip by visiting a truly exquisite restaurant hidden in the back-streets of Aguas Caliente, named Indio Feliz, recommended to us by Reuben and Vicki Sairs, professors of Aaron and mine at Rosedale Bible College in the good old days. The list of matters in which I feel I can trust the opinion of Reuben and/or Vicki is vast, and following my quiche/salmon/fruit salad dinner at Indio Feliz, the list is one item vaster.

With expanded stomachs and high spirits, we returned to our hostel. The two-hour hike back to the bus stop seemed a jaunt, the van-ride itself a brevity, and the dull ache in our legs merely a reminder of Grandeur Achieved.

Naturally, the hike was long, the van ride characterized by even less space than the first edition, not to mention a number of interesting grinding, cracking, clicking noises erupting from the wheels and axles as we whipped around mountain curves, and our legs still hurt, when the grandeur was gone. But for one last night, in Aguas Caliente, such trifles could not stir more than a ripple from our satisfied souls.

Note: If you were hoping to read about our abortive attempt to take our fate in our hands and the Peruvian legal system’s successful attempt to prevent us from doing so, just hang around one update longer. It’ll be there.

Pictures of Brazil. Through the eyes of Aaron and a camera

 This is a vew from half way up Sugar Loaf in Rio.
 This is all the way up.  As you can see it is actually higher than half way up.
During this picture there were a bunch of Notre Dame graduates in front of us being really loud.  They were just being really loud and really American.  I guess I just wanted everyone to know that.
 This is on our way up to the Christ the Redeemer.  Sugar Loaf is that cone that looks similar to a loaf of sugar.
 Look closely at the right side...can you tell what it is?
 It was Hans!                     No, it wasn't.  It was Christ the Redeemer.
 Unfortunately, I missed the memo about the new uniforms.
 Because if you're in Rio there is nothing more than you want to see than a nasty lagoon by the ocean.
 He was big.
 The only person we could find to take this picture was a midget.

Okay, I'm sorry that was offensive.  I should have said a little person.  Also, it wasn't true.  It was a full sized person that got down really low so Jesus' head would be in the picture.
 Copacabana.  Litteral tranlation: place of many wedgies.
 Sheldon snaps somes photos as Andrew looks on.  Seriously, how is this guy still single?
 First Mennonite Church of Rio de Janiero
 The "municiple theater".
That was an "example" of "how" sometimes "quotations" are overused "in" our "society".
 The aqueducts of Rio
 I'm not exaggerating when I say that this may have been the greatest accomplishment of Hans' life
 Delton and Fernie's dog made me miss my dogs back home...I guess I should miss my family too shouldn't I?
 Near the Pantanal in Brazil we met another friendly owl.  His name was Hooper.  He works for ING as a tax consultant
 Me, "Should I jump?"
 Hans, "I hope he does!"
 This is Chapada.  I was a little disappointed because I thought Chapada would be some sort of awesome pastrie but I was okay with it being really cool rocks.
 We got to snorkel.  Sheldon gave it two thumbs up!
 Chapada had a waterfall.  I guess that about sums up this picture.
 On our way into the Pantanal.  Either that or the drug run we did to pay for most of our trip.  I always get those confused.
 This is where we stayed. Yup, we slept underneath the wagon.
 Horses are ridden all over the town.
 Grizzley came upon the marsh and knew something was awry.  He had been traveling for months, possibly years: time had ceased to matter to him anymore.  The trail had finally beat him down, forcing him into submission like the submission which wives are called to in Ephesians 5.  What ever length of time he had been gone he still had not found a hint, trace, track, or clue of a local Ikea.  He had forced himself to quit thinking about his poor wife, back on the ranch, still without a table, eating food off the dirt floor because he had yet to fulfill his mission.  That image simultaneously kept him going and brought him to crippling despair.  The internal battle raged within him, like the Trojan War except that his battle was just inside him and not in Greece and also it didn’t have a big wooden horse and his wasn’t as cool and his was pretty much just mental while the Trojan war was a combination of mental and physical and his wasn’t going to be in history books while theirs definitely was and also if a movie was going to be made about his battle it was not likely Brad Pitt would be in it like he was in that movie about the Trojan War because Grizzley looked a lot more like a combination Nick Nolte and a sycamore.

But there he stood with some combination of a marsh and a swamp before him.  Only a dugout canoe could be used from here on out.  He slowly turned to Blazer, his trusty horse, and explained that their time together had come to an end.  It was like the Beatles breaking up, only worse.  Little did Grizzley know that 20 years later Blazer would be assassinated in New York City.  Completely alone now, Grizzley started the new chapter of his journey for the table.  A dug out canoe would be his mode of transportation.  He would face things he could have never imagined but he did not know this yet.  All he knew at this time was that he had forgotten his mini fridge because that would have been perfect in his new canoe.  
 Not our cabin but it is a good example how they build on stilts.  It's also a good example of how 3 months on the trail is not becoming to my look.
 Quite a beautiful place.
We went to a typical Pantanal party for a few minutes and they were dancing.  You should have seen Hans and Sheldon out there.  No, they didn't dance but it is a funny mental picture.